chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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