I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
