I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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