Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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