Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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