I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
