you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
