I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
