If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
