i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
