Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
