3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm just crazy horny about you
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I think my moral compass just broke
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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