you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
