It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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