I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
