We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
