I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my being single is dangerous.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
