listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
