your thong is hanging out like whoa
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
