its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
