My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I could fuck to npr.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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