Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
