is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
4 words: hood of his car
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
