3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
