burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
