Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
