I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just pee around me
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
