So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
