You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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