listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
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