How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
