you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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