The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
