I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
