Got a toothbrush?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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