He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
