I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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