Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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