I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
