ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
