We won't sleep together?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
