I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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