I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
