You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
