I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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