no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
