Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
