Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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