I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
