I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
