my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Welp...herpes.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
